Loopy, Lonely and Lost

Posts Tagged ‘drinking

I went out with some people from work last night, had a few drinks and a bit of a laugh. It was an okay night – nothing special, but it’s nice to get out and do something, isn’t it? I wasn’t really drunk, just a bit tipsy, and I got home at a reasonable hour and went straight to bed. Read the rest of this entry »

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Perhaps I have turned a corner.

A tiny, tentative, temporary step in the right direction.

I got a good four or five hours’ sleep this morning, which feels like a luxury. And then I spent quite some time lying around, doing nothing, being nothing.

And then a little thought skipped into my brain – and it feels so long since thoughts have skipped – and it said: Why not get out of bed today?

Well, I thought. Why not, indeed?

And I got up. And I got dressed. And I even left my room, the flat, the building. I went to my department and I bought some reading that I really should have bought a couple of weeks ago, but at least I have it now. And then, on a whim, I got on a bus and went to town.

It was, perhaps, a bit too much, a bit too soon. I felt very sick. Things were a bit blurry, and I was having a bit of trouble walking in a straight line. Actually, I came over a bit faint, a bit dizzy, in Waterstone’s (a bit more extreme than the usual Waterstone’s dizziness, the panic of I want these two books and they have ‘3 for the price of 2’ stickers on them so I need to find a third but I don’t want any of them but oh my god I HAVE to find one…etc etc etc). It was around about then that it occurred to me that it was over a day since I’d blankly, dully forced myself to eat anything, and almost as long since I’d remembered to drink. Which was, if I’m honest, a bit strange.

Well, then there was food, and drink, and since then I have felt considerably more solid, although still a little woozy occasionally, which I think is probably just the effect of so consistently not really sleeping.

Also, I got an email from my tutor, saying that because I missed a presentation I was supposed to give, I can make up for it by writing a short essay…not sure I’ll actually be able to do it, let alone do it well, but it’s nice of him to give me the chance, although at the back of my mind is a horrible, reproachful voice telling me that I don’t deserve to have a second chance, because I lied, because I wasn’t really ill, just tired, just lazy, just sad.

God, I am so fucking tired. The extra sleep of this morning didn’t do me much good. To be honest, I feel like I’d need to sleep for a good four or five weeks in order to feel like I’d had enough sleep.

But I feel a bit more human. A bit more capable. And I suppose that’s what I need to hang on to.

I have, I suppose, two main things to write about tonight. And it seems pointless to write about them as two separate posts. So I’m shoving them together, whether they belong together or not.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’m having to make a conscious effort to write this. I’m going back to uni tomorrow, and I don’t know when I’ll next have access to a computer in a place where I feel comfortable writing about myself. I’m having some difficulty finding the words, at the minute. I don’t quite know how to say what I think. But I’ll try.

It’s been a pretty terrible weekend. Read the rest of this entry »

Hooray!

I’ve been feeling fabulous lately. Read the rest of this entry »


Hello

My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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