Loopy, Lonely and Lost

Posts Tagged ‘death

I don’t know if I can write this. I don’t know if I should.

There is, I think, a reasonable chance that I’m going to do something incredibly stupid. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s just gone half past five in the morning, it’s already not properly dark, and I haven’t been to sleep.

I don’t know what to do. I just keep crying. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m so tempted to pack up my belongings, throw away my textbooks and call up my parents and ask them to take me home. Then spend the next few weeks, months, years – however long it takes – curled up in my bed and just forgetting. Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes, I like thinking about suicide. I like making plans, setting dates, focussing really hard on it. It makes me happy, briefly. Not real happiness, admittedly, but a kind of determined anticipation, a kind of relief: just a few more days, just another week, and then…nothing. I won’t exist anymore. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m frightened, all the time. I’m panicking. I feel it in my chest, like somebody’s sitting on me, or like there’s a hand wrapped around my heart, squeezing all the life out of me. I’ve been grinding my teeth, giving myself headaches. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted on: May 14, 2009

I’m having to make a conscious effort to write this. I’m going back to uni tomorrow, and I don’t know when I’ll next have access to a computer in a place where I feel comfortable writing about myself. I’m having some difficulty finding the words, at the minute. I don’t quite know how to say what I think. But I’ll try.

It’s been a pretty terrible weekend. Read the rest of this entry »


My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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June 2020