Loopy, Lonely and Lost

Posts Tagged ‘confusion

Things are getting very strange, very quickly.

My thoughts and my life are like a rope, slipping through my fingers and I can’t grip it, I can’t stop it slipping away, I can’t hold it still.

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There are so many things I want to write about, here and a dozen other places. But all these thoughts are colliding, getting jumbled up in my brain until I can’t really separate them and nothing really makes sense.

And once I’ve thought something, writing it seems pointless, because I’ve already thought it, if that makes sense.

I have thoughts and images rolling around in my head. Some are ideas, things I’m interested in…others are less welcome…images of terrible things happening, they just keep replaying in my head, not real things but things that could be real one day, playing over and over again to the jumbled soundtrack of thoughts and ideas.

I don’t know if I feel good or bad. I don’t know what’s going on, really.

I’m not really acting like myself. But I’m not really thinking like myself either, so it’s to be expected, I suppose.

I’ll write more once my thoughts are in some kind of order.


My family thought I was going to be a teacher. It wasn’t some bizarre delusion on their part, they had a reason – several times, in the past, I ventured forth the idea that it was a path I’d like to take.

But for years, now, I’ve been reticent on the subject. When people asked what I wanted to do with my life, I’d shrug, and say “I’m not sure” – and usually, one of my parents would cut in with, “Our Laura’s going to be a teacher”.

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I am feeling very nervous, very on edge today. Kind of freaked out.

I feel like I’m losing my mind. Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t know what’s going on.

I was….down. And now….I’m not.

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My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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August 2020