Loopy, Lonely and Lost

You guys, I might have done a bad thing.

Hello by the way. Been a while.

Been depressed for months. Lowish level, not suicidal or anything. Just glum and finding stuff hard. Then the past few weeks, couldn’t really get out of bed. Every night on the phone to the Samaritans, talking about how I can’t cope.

So I went to the doctor. Said I’m depressed. Skimmed over my history. So many years since I saw a doc about it, it hardly seems relevant. Got prescribed anti-depressants.

Only been a few days and I feel like my brain is fizzing. An anxious edge to it but at least I have some energy and feel like my frozen heart is thawing and like I can do things and not be completely exhausted. Ramped up my thinking speed, loosened my tongue, got me interested to the point of obsession in random things again.

Not fully there yet. It’s a delicate thing, I have to let it grow. Sometimes it creeps back, the sadness, just reminding me it’s there. But I don’t feel stuck and slow and stupid and boring anymore.

But they don’t work that quickly, do they, anti-depressants?

Maybe my mood was already on the up, and it was that that gave me the impulsivity to contact the doctor.

Or maybe it’s a placebo effect, in which case I’m fine.

Just got to keep it together so they don’t try to bring my mood down.