Loopy, Lonely and Lost

I suppose I should stop drinking

Posted on: September 22, 2012

I go out and have a few drinks because that’s how people socialise and I’m trying not to be antisocial.

Then I spend all night thinking about how I’m going to die, unhappy and alone and useless, and how fucking pointless life and everything in it is.

I don’t even feel drunk. Alcohol doesn’t make me wild and stupid and blurry anymore, it just makes me sad.

But how do you say “I’m not drinking because alcohol makes me miserable” without people wanting to know about your feelings? I don’t want to talk about it. I just don’t want to feel like this.

But I know the feelings are just under the surface all the time anyway. My life is fucked. I am so incredibly lonely. I wish I had some sort of meaning or purpose.

I feel it all the time. It’s just that drinking makes me fucking obsess over it.

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3 Responses to "I suppose I should stop drinking"

You are nor alone, there are many people with this same problem.
I know what you feel

I’m at work right now and it’s ridiculous. I’m wrestling with this sense of depression and can’t believe how I’ve ended up feeling like this. I got great friends and a good job. But when I find a purpose to life, it doesn’t last and I end up in this rut.

I can’t even bring myself to blow sunshine up your rear and say, “It’ll all get better” because I keep coming back to you eventually myself.

Hello laura! I may be younger than you, but i know how you feel. Please, just promise me that you’ll stay strong! 🙂

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Hello

My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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