Loopy, Lonely and Lost

Posted on: September 17, 2012

It’s 11:30pm, Monday. I’ve been awake since approximately 9:00am, Sunday.

It’s been a long time since this has happened. I thought my sleeping problems were largely solved.

I can feel my heart racing and there’s this tingling sensation just beneath my skin. It’s old and familiar and I’m not quite sure how to get away from it. Last night I watched the light go from grey to black to grey again as I paced my room and held imaginary conversations in my head and painted my nails and Googled random bullshit and regularly lay down and closed my eyes and tried to sleep and felt every breath and pulse and muscle shift for what seemed like a century, then rolled over and checked the time and it had only been 10 minutes.

I need to get out of this. I went to work today and things were fine, but I can’t do it for another day, even if I get an hour or two it’s not really going to be enough. I need to pull the plug or pour water on the circuitboard or something, anything to shut me down for a bit so I can rest and then maybe when I wake up I will feel more in control of myself.


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My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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