Loopy, Lonely and Lost

Suicide is thinking about me

Posted on: March 10, 2012

I’m not really thinking about suicide. That’s too active. Mostly I am trying not to think about it. But suicidal thoughts are leaping, fully-formed, into my head.

Trying to cross a road becomes step out, now, in front of that lorry. Visiting a shop becomes how many types of alcohol and over-the-counter medications will they let me buy? Cutting a sandwich, slit your wrists with the bread knife. Crossing a bridge, jump off it. 

I can’t stop it. Everywhere I look, there is a way to die. I’m not even miserable, not really. Not desperately unhappy. Just a little subdued. I just can’t stop thinking about dying, no matter how much I try to distract myself.

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Hello

My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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