Loopy, Lonely and Lost

I didn’t have to go to work today

Posted on: March 1, 2012

I was feeling a little more lively than I’ve been feeling lately, and a little stir crazy at only ever being at work or at home.

So I went out. It sounds like a tiny thing, but it felt like quite a big step. I got on a bus and went to town. There weren’t many people about, and there wasn’t much going on.

I spent a couple of hours out, and all the time I could just feel growing anxiety and paranoia.

Everybody was mocking me. Everybody was staring at me, watching me with suspicious eyes. That awful, creeping, tingling sensation of being watched by everyone who passes by. Even the pigeons seemed to be focused on me, swooping in formation over my head, flying straight at me time after time. I could hear a voice whispering – blurred, mumbled words, the feeling of breath against my ear, a presence at my shoulder I could hear and feel but not see.

I’m calmer now. I suppose leaving the house wasn’t such a good idea.

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1 Response to "I didn’t have to go to work today"

I hope you feel better soon. Is there somewhere quieter you can go for a walk?

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Hello

My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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