Loopy, Lonely and Lost

Tough few days

Posted on: December 15, 2011

I’ve been ill. Still feel like shit, actually…headaches and coughing and generally just being under the weather. It’s sort of curtailed my weird mood,  which I suppose is a good thing…everything was getting a bit crazy for a while.

But things are crazy in a different way, now.

I’ll say ‘family problems’, but you’ll know what I mean.

Things with my mum are just…awful.

She’s obviously miserable, but it’s hard to feel sorry for her when she uses it to make everyone else miserable too. She keeps accusing my brother of beating her up (he doesn’t, she only mentions it when she’s angry, and there’s never a mark on her). She says me and my dad are cruel and heartless every time we make any kind of joke whatsoever.

She keeps saying “I’d be better off dead” and threatening to kill herself. She says it’ll be “a nice treat” for us on Christmas morning.

I don’t know what to do. I find it hard to be sympathetic because I always find it hard to sympathise with people who complain about something but aren’t actually looking for solutions (I know that’s hypocritical because I do that a lot here, but in my defence I just write stuff and if anyone stumbles across it, they can choose to stop reading. I don’t scream “I’M GOING TO KILL MYSELF” in the faces of people who I allegedly love).

I’m sort of scared, but don’t know how to change things.

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Hello

My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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