Loopy, Lonely and Lost

October is always fucking mental.

Posted on: October 10, 2011

I don’t know why.  I know my mood fluctuates all the time, all year round, but October always seems to be a bit more…well, mad, I suppose. It’s probably just a coincidence. It might even just be in my mind. But this is the time of year when I’m most likely to be a little bit out of control.

I can feel it building up inside me. I’ve been socialising more. I’ve been louder. I’ve been making terrible jokes and getting impatient with everyone.

I can feel it like my heart is swelling, like my brain is twitching, like everything is simultaneously too much and not enough. I didn’t sleep last night, just paced my room, ecstatic, elated for no reason, holding imaginary conversations in my head, dancing.

There is a part of me that’s afraid. Either I’m genuinely happy or this is like all the other times, and sooner or later I’ll crash into a cold, endless winter.

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2 Responses to "October is always fucking mental."

October is renown, you know. So beautiful in nature, but somehow destructive mentally. As a former teacher, I remember October being the month when everybody hit a low, people went off sick… I think it is everybody.

Not everybody feels that fear though. I know that fear so well.

Thinking of you.

x Pixie

I feel the same way. Though I’ve only experienced two “Octobers” with my cyclothymia, but October last year was crazy and now it’s beginning again. Is there anything one can do to make it easier to cope with?

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Hello

My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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