Loopy, Lonely and Lost

I’m struggling quite badly lately

Posted on: August 25, 2011

I don’t have any energy. I’m spending a lot of time just sort of…standing, halfway to my destination, staring blankly at walls and waiting for my body to start working again.

I feel constantly on the verge of tears, and I’m snapping at everybody, because all they do is ask stupid questions and make so much noise and it’s not that the noise hurts as such, but it irritates me, and makes me feel like my skin is crawling.

According to the nurse when I tried to give blood recently, I’m slightly anaemic, which I suppose might at least partially account for the general fatigue and feeling a bit like I might pass out, which certainly isn’t helping matters.

I feel like shit, to be honest with you. I’m not really eating or drinking much, and my mum has taken to dragging me downstairs, putting things in front of me, and insisting I have them, even if I start crying. It’s not a conscious effort, it’s just that I feel like my body’s shutting down. I’m not hungry, I’m not thirsty, and I feel like I don’t even have the energy it’d take to eat a proper meal (I know food might help, but it’s like…investment. It doesn’t matter how big the return is if you don’t have the capital to invest to start with).

I want to go to sleep. Ideally for about a year, preferably forever. Everybody thinks I’m being stupid and melodramatic, but I can’t think, I can hardly move, and the shit thing is I can still hardly even sleep, just in fits, spending hour after hour lying on my bed with tears on my face, wishing I was dead because I feel like I’m carrying a ten-ton weight on my back every time I move.

What should I do? I feel like going into hibernation.


1 Response to "I’m struggling quite badly lately"

You poor love, it sounds like you’re really struggling at the moment. I have anaemia, so I can relate to the total exhaustion you are feeling. It’s completely mind and body numbing. Try to rest as much as you can, and eat well if you can manage it cause that helps. Take care xx

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My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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