Loopy, Lonely and Lost

And everything is fine, until…

Posted on: August 20, 2011

I fell out with my parents. Just a minor argument. Nothing big, and to be honest, mostly my fault.

And now I can’t stop crying. I don’t even know why.

I just feel like such a fucking disappointment. I’m always letting them down and making them ashamed of me and I wish I could stop but I can’t because I’m such a fucking useless, awful person.

And I know there is enough medication in this house to kill me, but maybe that would be rash and reckless and not properly thought-out, so I am sitting on my bed until I can stop fucking crying and then maybe I’ll make a decision.

I’m so sorry. I wish I’d done something with my life. I wish they could be proud of me. I want to go away but I don’t know how, I don’t know how to go about finding some quiet little corner to die in. I don’t want to upset anybody but I’m such a fucking failure. I’ve got the money, probably, but I don’t know how to disappear without offending everyone.

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1 Response to "And everything is fine, until…"

Hello Laura, I have a strained relationship with my parents too. What do you do when your feel like this? I try to listen to some of my favourite bands/songs to cheer myself up. This is just my opinion but eventually you have to stop seeking approval and praise from your parents. You should be proud of what you have achieved. If it’s not enough, then achieve more but do it for yourself and no-one else. I suppose we want to please those we love but if they can’t accept who we are…. I stopped wanting to please my parents when I hit adolescence.

Sam

Ps How did you find the Deathly Hallows?

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Hello

My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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