Loopy, Lonely and Lost

Posted on: August 20, 2011

I don’t know what to do.

It’s as if, just for a moment, I forgot that I’m not allowed to have feelings, and through the tiny crack that appeared passed years of unhappiness in a single afternoon.

I don’t even know why. I can’t work it out.

It sounds melodramatic and adolescent, but my parents don’t understand. They keep calling me a silly bitch, and telling me not to be stupid, and having a go at me because I am upsetting them.

They said I’m going mental, and that they were going to call the doctor, because I’ve done nothing all day – haven’t eaten, haven’t drank, have just covered my face and cried – but that’s just how they threaten me. It’s how they’ve always threatened me.

My head and throat hurt so badly, probably because I made a noose and pulled it so tight I saw stars. But I need something to hang from, and I don’t know what to use.

They said they’re sick of me. They said I’ll have to move out, find somewhere else to be a grumpy, useless cow.

I’m alone in the house, now, and if I can raise the energy to do it, and work out a way, I’ll kill myself. I don’t know what else to do.


2 Responses to ""

Maybe the best thing for you would be to get out of that house? Alive and well and with a suitcase.

Seeing the doctor might not be a bad idea either.

Please stay safe.

Have you thought about The Samaritans? You need to talk to someone. Get away from this way of thinking.

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My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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