Loopy, Lonely and Lost

For the first time in longer than I can imagine…

Posted on: July 31, 2011

I feel alive.

I feel a hint of strength. I feel blood pumping through my heart in a way that feels almost like nervousness, my stomach churning over too, but it’s not fear, not quite, it’s an energy whose name I no longer quite remember.

I feel…dynamic, sort of. Almost.

I feel like there is something in me other than lethargy and sheepishness and dread.

I feel so full of something that is hard to describe. It is my heart swelling and my skin tingling and a laugh bubbling up inside of me. It’s shaking my leg and biting my lip to stop from making all the jokes that whoosh through my  brain.

I feel free, I think. I think I feel hope.

Is this happiness? Was that all it took? Am I so predictable that all it took was an envelope through the door and the chains around my limbs have dissolved.

Edit: I stayed awake until 6:30am and woke up, fully refreshed, at 10am. I haven’t had this much energy in months.


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My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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