Loopy, Lonely and Lost

Good news.

Posted on: July 27, 2011

Today, when I got in from work, there was an A4 envelope in the hall, addressed to me, with my university’s symbol on it.

I ran upstairs with it and tore it open with my eyes screwed up, so unsure and afraid.

It was a certificate.

Presumably sick and tired of waiting for me to actually do anything, they’ve awarded me a third class degree.

I mean, I know it’s not much. In academic terms, it’s hardly worth the paper it’s written on. But I suppose it’s alright, considering I failed two modules – for one of which I didn’t even submit anything.

And it means that it is over.

I don’t have to be scared anymore about what I’m going to do. I don’t have to tell lies. It’s closed the gap. It means that if I ever want to apply for another job, I don’t have to be scared about having my CV scrutinised, because it’s so much easier to explain a bad degree than it is to explain four years of nothing.

For the first time in years, I feel free. A weight has lifted off my shoulders, and I feel like this awful gnawing, grinding sensation at the back of my head has gone.

Fuck, you have no idea. I nearly burst into tears when I saw it. And yeah, I have to put up with my mum’s patronising well dones and I know nothing really changes, but I was so scared and now it’s gone.

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3 Responses to "Good news."

I’m new to your blog so I don’t know all the background history, but I can imagine that must be a huge relief for you. And congratulations on your degree!

Sounds like a huge relief for you, I’m glad.

Congrats! To go through all this and to have at least one thing over. I know that feeling well.

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Hello

My name is Laura. I was once told that I have cyclothymia. This blog is mostly where I write about living as a person with extremes and instability of mood, and the history of a life that led to the development of those symptoms.

I complain a lot, I'm very repetitive, unreliable, and I tend to contradict myself.

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