Posts Tagged ‘future’
A change of scenery.
Posted by: Laura on: November 14, 2009
I’ve come home for the weekend, mainly in the desperate, misguided hope that being somewhere else equates to being someone else, or at least feeling something else.
It never works like that, though, does it? It seems ridiculously trite to say that wherever you go, you can’t escape yourself, but still, it’s true. And perhaps it’s [...]
“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”
Posted by: Laura on: October 25, 2009
I can’t stop thinking about the person I used to be.
I know it’s stupid, and not particularly helpful. Maybe if I could forget what it was like to be happy then I could learn to accept that this is all there is now. But I hold on, so desperately, to these memories, because they are [...]
It continues…
Posted by: Laura on: October 19, 2009
I’m so tempted to pack up my belongings, throw away my textbooks and call up my parents and ask them to take me home. Then spend the next few weeks, months, years – however long it takes – curled up in my bed and just forgetting.
Positives.
Posted by: Laura on: October 9, 2009
This week, I have:
Been to ALL of my lectures and seminars, and taken notes in all of them (I’ll try, over the next few days, to write up those notes and do some supplementary reading)
Bought or ordered several books required for my course (still need to get a few more, which I’ll do in the [...]
Back at uni.
Posted by: Laura on: September 30, 2009
It was going…well.
I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that this is going to be a quiet, solitary year. The people I’m living with are friendly enough, but they’re all very quiet and/or have friends elsewhere, so I haven’t seen much of them. But I was convincing myself that that could be a good [...]
A blog of two halves.
Posted by: Laura on: September 27, 2009
I have, I suppose, two main things to write about tonight. And it seems pointless to write about them as two separate posts. So I’m shoving them together, whether they belong together or not.
Difficult.
Posted by: Laura on: September 23, 2009
I’m finding it difficult to write here, lately. Difficult to find the words, the ideas, the motivation.
Or, at least…the words and ideas are in my head, but they’re all mixed up, all tangled together like so many kites. And the motivation is there, too, but it’s wayward, misguided, unfocussed.
I have so much and so little [...]
What am I doing?
Posted by: Laura on: September 19, 2009
For perhaps a day or two, I have, without really noticing it, been incredibly cheerful and optimistic.
I’ve been looking at PGCE courses again. I even started an application.
I’ve been looking for jobs for when I’m back at uni. I even emailed my CV to one of them.
I’ve been looking at volunteering again. The schools one [...]
Grumble.
Posted by: Laura on: September 16, 2009
I don’t want to go back to university. I don’t want to stay at home. I don’t want to get a job. I don’t want to do anything. All prospects seem equally shit and impossible.
I went to the cinema with some friends last night, and they were all saying, “When are you going back to [...]
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