I feel weird. Really, really weird.

I’ve never felt this way so strongly before. The only times I can really remember feeling it at all were while I was taking antipsychotics, or after self-harming. Maybe a little bit, now and then, after unhappiness or weeks or months of sleep deprivation or too much vodka.

I feel not-real. Completely blank. My glasses are the camera through which I watch the world. The hands in front of me, typing…I know they’re mine, they must be, but they don’t feel it. They feel separate. Someone else’s hands typing words passing faintly across my mind, so faint I’m getting writing and reading mixed up.

Hands, arms, legs, not mine. Not my movements. I’m watching on a screen. A screen on a screen (not quite infinite regress; not enough screens). One hand bending back the finger on another and I can’t feel it, we’re not attached, I could break the bone and it’s just graphic TV, not real, not me.

I don’t really know what I am.

Emotionally I am mostly blank. Just a little curious. Like a dream or out-of-body experience.

If I’m not in the body I can see, then where am I?