Today, I feel like I am a massive shit.

It’s my work’s Christmas party tonight. To be honest, with all the stuff that’s been going on, I forgot. I didn’t realise until I got a phone call from a friend, asking where I was. I told her I wasn’t going. I used feeling ill as an excuse…it’s not a lie, I’m still feeling awful, and there’s no way my headache could survive all the noise and lights.

But also, I just feel…deflated. I don’t feel like going out, or spending time with people, or making myself seem cheerful. I don’t know how much of that is just being ill and how much of it is the fact that I’m sort of…not depressed, as such. Down.

I feel guilty for not going, for letting people down. I feel like a bad person and a disappointment and an idiot. I feel like crying, to be honest.